
You know, after running hotghettomess.com for almost four years now, I have been cussed out, yelled at, condemned to hell, and rebuked in the name of Jesus by a variety of Mandarin-minded folk. Generally the feedback I get is overwhelmingly positive so I don’t stress too much about the folks who call me a race-traitor, an elitist, a self-righteous bitch or a (gasp) a Republican. But one conversation I had today, although I had heard it a million times before, really got me thinking.
A gentlemen called me after finding out that one of his friends (I suspect it was his girlfriend) had the dubious distinction of being called a hot ghetto mess by my website. So I speak to him and listen to him tell me what a horrible person I am. As I try to divide my attention between his tirade and cleaning the little hard doo-doo balls out of my dog’s ass, something he said struck me as it never had before. He said, black people just “don’t know any better.” Now, granted, I’ve heard this a million times before and that sentiment has become so cliché and that I never really paid any attention to it, but for some reason those words on that day stood out to me like a virgin at a prison rodeo. And it caused me to wonder….
In 2008, do people really “not know any better”?
I feel like the only people who really have a claim to “not knowing any better” are children or feral people like Nell in that movie. To make the assertion that somehow today in 2008, grown ass people don’t know any better is ludicrous. And it’s not only ludicrous, it’s a dangerous, dismissive and paternalistic way to regard members of our community. It immediately removes from people all responsibility for their actions.
With unparalled access to information, with 10,000 channels on television, movies and magazines can one really argue that someone can go through life in America and not know any better? As uninspiring as most of American media is, you still are shown examples of functional families, people overcoming odds, the value of education, families living in peace, people with jobs, philanthropy, activism, history and the power of your dreams. With regard to residents in urban environments, to whom I hear this term applied most often, there is a usually a very present Black professional class, colleges and universities abound, there are social programs aimed at self-improvement up the wazoo and plenty of examples of young people overcoming odds and excelling. The concepts of education, work and family are pretty standard concepts---So how can one seriously make an argument that people don’t know better?
NOW, I certainly believe that many people may not believe they CAN do better or they may not be certain of exactly HOW to do better, but to imply they don’t know there IS a better is a destructive theory. And sure, there is a “fuck effort” contingent but they’re a different story as well (See: Are you waiting for a check?).
We had an entire generation of African Americans who weren’t even allowed to read, yet those were the ones who pushed most strongly for the education of their children. We had a generation of slaves who weren’t allowed to marry, yet marriages and families were the foundation of the generation to follow. All it takes is the desire to improve your condition. At some point, many of us have abandoned the pursuit of improving our condition in favor of what’s easy or what’s fun or what’s convenient or what feels good at the time. Do we know better? Of course we do. We just don’t always do better. So let’s call a spade a spade.
Come on, I don’t care what your socio-economic status is, you generally know how life fucking works. Instead of making this “people don’t know any better” excuse, we should be talking about what it would take to re-instill a broad commitment to improving our economic and social condition in this world.
Generations before got it right, they understood opportunity was valuable and took advantage of it no matter what meager circumstances they came from. Are we now saying that back then they knew better and suddenly now we don’t? Generations who never had the opportunities we have now knew better and suddenly we don’t? I just don’t buy it.
And I think this is important, not just because I like typing long essays for free, but because I think social programs and philosophical frameworks that embrace the “they don’t know any better” mentality, no matter how well-meaning, are harmful to us as a community.
For example, when I worked as a lawyer in legal services, I felt that, the well-meaning white liberals that worked there basically saw black people as children that shouldn’t be expected to do anything with any level of competency. But it was OK, because we didn’t know any better and were just hapless victims of an oppressive society and needed help.
Now, Don’t get me wrong, those were some of the best people I had ever met and they all really wanted to help less-fortunate members of society, I just don’t know if spoon feeding someone their life is helping. What was so clear to the African-American lawyers there (none of whom ever stayed very long) seemed lost on the limo liberal population. If you treat folks like victims and tell them they have no control over the big bad world, they eventually begin to believe it. They lose the capacity to problem solve which is essential for survival. They begin to become dependent on others even when they are perfectly capable themselves.
I know this is getting long and your ADD is kicking in, so I’ll wrap this up soon…..but real quick example: I had a male client who was getting evicted and I was able to negotiate some favorable terms to get his ass out of the apartment. So, thirty days later, on the day he had agreed to leave the unit, he called me and asked what he was supposed to do with his furniture. I’m like, what are you asking me for? And mind you, this wasn’t an old man, he was in his twenties and was actually kind of fine. If he hadn’t been on welfare with some fake ass disability, I may have taken him out. But I digress.
So I’m thinking to myself, whenever one moves, the first thing you figure out is how you’re gonna move your stuff. He says, well I don’t have a way to move my stuff, don’t yall have some funds that will help me hire a mover? I’m like, RUFKM? (r u fucking kidding me)? When I move, I have to figure it out. When my mom moves, she has to figure it out. When my friend moves, she has to figure it out. You’ve already had a free lawyer, now you want Uhaul service too. Negro, figure that shit out and get off my phone.
But it was this sense of having no capacity to solve his problems, this expectation that the world owed him a solution and this sense of entitlement that he should get what he wants without any effort on his part, that was so shocking. And seeing this type of thing over and over made me question the “they don’t know better” approach and the long-term effectiveness of the liberal social program models.
Whew! OK I’m done. There, I said it. So I hope that guy who called and told me that “most black folks just don’t know any better” is reading this. “They don’t know better” should be reserved for dogs, children, the mentally challenged, and people like Nell in that movie. People will only rise to the level of your expectations and as long as we dismiss dysfunctional or destructive behavior as “not knowing better” we severely undercut the ability of our community to be self-sufficient, to look within to solve problems and improve conditions and grow and prosper.
Now back to my dog’s ass. I really need a job. As u were….
Peace people.