CINAW BLOG HAS MOVED!!!!

Yes, I'm moving on up, to the East Side. My subprime ARM loan adjusted and I had to find another place for CINAW. So you can now find the new and improved CINAW Blog at:

www.conversateisnotaword.com

So adjust your thingamajigs and I will see you there!!!!!!

Be very afraid.

www.conversateisnotaword.com

jam donaldson

peace people.

You can nominate me at http://www.blackweblogawards.com/

Thanks for your support!!!

Peace people.

Am I A Bad Black Person? Part II

Am I the only black person who has no interest in watching CNN’s Black in America? If I get one more forwarded email telling to watch that show, I’m gonna scream. I’m sorry, but I am just so tired of watching a bunch of black people sit on a stage and talk about their damn issues. What makes us do these types of programs and who exactly are they for? It seems to me that white people wouldn’t be all that interested and black people know this shit already. We just love to sit in front of cameras and debate our condition. Some Blacks are doing well, some are doing bad. OK, got it. Plus, if Michael Baisden is involved in any way, how good could it be? There are all these "black program" conventions that just need to be retired, like spoken word. If I hear one more random black spoken word voice-over...

"Hmmm...we need some more elements...lets see, what do black people like? Hip hop? No this should be serious. I know! Spoken Word! They love that shit!"

I stopped watching Tavis and his State of the Black Union special on C-Span about five years ago. Now don’t get me wrong, my first couple of times watching I got a big kick out of it. Me and my mom or friends would talk back to the TV and get a big kick out of all the militant rhetoric and inspirational flourishes. It was great fun. However….

Fast forward five years and you see those same Negroes sitting on that same stage talking about the same shit. All of a sudden the pontificating seems cliché, the topics out of touch, the mission unformed and ultimately fruitless, and worst of all Michael Eric Dyson and his too fast alliteration is just plain annoying. I don't know, the whole thing just feels old and tired.
So then I give the Emotional-Negro-Issue-Discussion format one more chance and watch Hip Hop V. America II on BET—ok this is my type of thing, pop culture, sexism, responsibility perhaps this discussion will yield some revolutionary thought, some innovative ideas and insightful perspectives. Nope. Just a bunch of yelling and screaming, split verbs and people talking over each other. The dumbest ones are the loudest so the people who actually have sense (Lola Ogannaike) cant get a word in edgewise. I know, I know, it works for the McLaughlin Group but throw in David Banner and Deelishis and things just go horribly wrong.

I guess I'm just too busy BEING black (and writing blogs) in America to watch it. I figure I’m black every single day so why do I need to watch it on TV? Blackness on TV has gotten so boring and cliche. Tell me something new for a change. I’d rather watch Susie Orman or Michelle Singletary, at least with them I’m gonna learn how to make some damn money.

So, I’m sorry Soledad, although you are one of my favorite anchors on TV, I probably won’t tune in to Black in America tonight. You know why Soledad is one of my favorites, because she’s excellent at what she does. There’s an old saying that the solution to racism is excellence. I wish we would sit around and talk about that. At home.

Gotta go, Murder She Wrote is coming on and I haven’t seen this one….

Am I a bad black person?

Peace people.

The Thirty Worries

Have you ever caught yourself watching “Intervention” on A & E while drinking? And you know you’re only one bottle away from that cheap motel room surrounded by friends and family? But that’s another post for another day.

What I will talk about however is the fact that all the thirty-somethings I know, including me, seem to be drowning in stress. Its an odd phenomena however because for the most part these people have no “real” problems. They are generally healthy attractive, educated, make good money, own homes and cars. Some are single, some are married. Some have children, others are child-free. Some are artists, some are stuffed shirts. Some are straight, some are gay. All are relatively well-adjusted, smart, motivated men and women who have the bulk of their upwardly mobile lives in front if them. But all that doesn’t stop us from being scared to death. I call this condition the Thirty Worries.

I will be the first to admit that my thirties have been the highlight of my life. In my teens I was awkward, insecure and socially maladjusted. In my twenties, I got a little more attractive and had an absolute blast but I was silly, drank too much, wasted a lot of time and made lots of bad choices. So here come the thirties, I got some good sense and I was suddenly comfortable in my own skin. After the death of my father I became fearless. My close encounter with mortality made me look at life differently. I live every day to the fullest. I refuse to be miserable or settle or let others define who I should be. I am strong, confident and people seem to like me OK. My hair is tempermental but natural, I’m good to people, I wear t-shirts with profanity on them, and I love old people. I’ve applied all the life lessons I’ve learned in my teens and twenties and for all intents and purposes I’m doing okay. But that doesn’t stop me from being constantly stressed out about where my life is going.

It’s a stress I haven’t quite experienced before. There’s something about your thirties that adds a certain gravitas to every decision. Everything becomes some kind of crossroad. Every date is a potential spouse, every job is a major career move, each period brings you closer to running out of eggs. There is an enormous amount of self-imposed pressure to figure it all out. Whatever “it” is. Forget the fact that you are currently doing just fine, you feel like you have to have the plan all together. You must know what you’ll be doing for the next 20 years. Otherwise, theres like a big black hole of life staring at you. And its terrifying. All of the possibilities and infinite choices that were exciting in our twenties turn into angst and doubt about what direction we’re going in. We tell ourselves that if we don’t have it all figured out by now, we’re in trouble, irresponsible and doomed to a life of wandering aimlessly.

Friends who have jobs now wonder is this really what they want to do, friends who don’t have jobs feel like abject losers, those of us who have our own businesses wonder if we should pursue a career path with a little more security ( and money) and those who want to start businesses struggle with the decision whether to leave the safety of their current positions for an uncertain future.

Its like all of a sudden we become too sensible. We feel as if its too late to make any major mistakes. The stakes are suddenly so high for everything. Do you want children? We are afraid if we don’t have kids we’ll regret it and afraid if we do have kids…we’ll regret it. Yet at some point ( and soon) a decision must be made.

In the meantime we try to drown out the cacophony in our heads with cocktails and prescription drugs and sex and Ritalin, gossip blogs and Golden Girls re-runs (ok, maybe that’s just me). And its odd because at any point if someone asked you what you were worried about, its doubtful you would be able to articulate exactly what was bothering you. On paper you look awesome. You have checked off all the items on the checklist that are supposed to guarantee a successful life. But somehow, strangely, you feel anything but successful. In fact, its like the war in Iraq, you no longer have any idea what success really means. Is it domestic bliss, moguldom, being independent and free? You no longer know, but you feel like you need to figure it out. And fast.

There was an article in the Washington Post a while ago about whether having too many choices actually contributed to stress and unhappiness in people’s lives. I’m starting to see that maybe there’s something to that. Because most of us can choose to do whatever we want, our failures or our shortcomings are all our own. There’s no blaming society, glass ceilings, discrimination, lack of opportunity—it’s just you and your decisions. When things go bad, it’s you and your decisions. When things go great, it’s you and your decisions.
And when you have no idea what the next ten years will look like ( and I mean NO idea)…. It all comes down to you and your decisions. The thirty worries.

I need a drink.

The NBA: It's a Business, Not a Social Program

Well, the 2008 NBA draft has come and gone. But along with my concerns that Mayo may be overrated or Rose isn’t tough enough, there is something else about the NBA that has been sticking in my craw. (what, y'all thought i only talked about everyday life?)

It seems that no one in the world truly cares about the plight of teenage, inner-city black males. UNLESS… you are a high school basketball phenom with dreams of entering the NBA. Suddenly, the masses care about your well-being, your ability to adjust to the adult world, your education, how you will handle the pressures of success, fame and big money. In 2005 NBA age limits were enacted supposedly to allow these men to mature as men, as players and reinforce the value of a college education. Currently, you have to be 19 which now usually results in players attending at least one year of college. I think this is the biggest crock of shit I have ever seen.

So let me get this straight, if you are a black male you can graduate from high school at 17 or 18 and do NOTHING with your life and there is no outcry, but to graduate high school and sign a multi-million dollar basketball contract (because of a skill you’ve likely spent most of your life developing) is out of the question? Now maybe, just maybe I could go along with this flawed and paternalistic approach to these young people IF it were applied equally across society.

No one requires Miley Cyrus to be 18 and go to college before she makes millions, no one requires Beyonce to attend a year of college before making millions, no one said Brad Pitt should go to his local university for a year so he could learn how to socialize and mature more before making the big bucks because an education is so important. Nowadays young people are developing blogs and software and making millions with computers without the aid of a year of college. Folks like John D. Rockefeller, Quentin Tarantino, John Travolta and Tom Petty never even finished high school. I thought this society was based on the concept of a free market? Why is it Ok for everyone else to graduate from high school and receive what the market will pay them, except for these young men?

The answer: the future of college basketball programs. For the NCAA to act like this decision was made in consideration of what was in these players’ best interest is laughable. As with most things in America, just follow the money. NCAA programs are scared shitless at the prospect of their revenue falling drastically as players bypass the whole college process. They need stars to keep their arenas packed. For anyone to pretend this is about anything other than college athletics (READ: money) is insulting.

In light of the fact that these young men’s careers are often short-lived, with the average pro-career being five years, why risk another year playing for free and potentially being hurt, when you could play now and make enough to be set for life? Why risk your financial security just to make a university millions of dollars? These men will have the rest of their life to go to college, just like anyone else in this country.

Are these men any more prone to piss up their money, engage in bad behavior, get into legal trouble or live irresponsibly, than musicians, actors, or software designers ? Of course not. But when it comes to these ballers, nooooooo, they’re just not ready for the big time. Chris Brown and Rihanna can tour for the big bucks and Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgins can be entrusted with seven figure deals, but not these guys, they need to mature.

It is not our place to impose our judgments about whether this is a good decision for these men personally, that is a decision only he can make. And why is society imposing their judgments on THESE particular men when everyone else gets a pass and are lauded for their success. We’re either in a capitalistic society or we’re not. If the market is willing to allow these young men to make a living, who are we to stop them?

"I understand the commercial considerations if a kid can become an instant multimillionaire, but I'm not sure in the long run it's good for society or college sports if kids leave early to chase a buck," says Robert C. Khayat, chancellor of the University of Mississippi, a former college-football player and former president of the Southeastern Conference. "This may sound terribly naïve, but one of our values in this country is valuing commitments and being loyal — and not just shifting your allegiances on the strength of money." Why would a young man put the interest of college sports above his own? Are you kidding me? How interested would that same college program be in that man if he got hurt and couldn’t make them anymore money?
Its such a sham. Like most things, it all comes down to the dollars. This is about colleges and universities being afraid they won’t make the money they used to if top players bypass them and go straight to the pros. It’s also why football players have to spend three years in college. Lets call a spade a spade. No pun intended.

In a 2007 SportsBusiness Journal article, Mr. Len Elmore, former University of Md basketball star and member of the Knight Foundation Commission on Intercollegiate Athletics argued that one year of college is better than none because it helps players improve their basketball skills and become more mature. Am I in the twilight zone? If an NBA franchise (who has some experience in these matters) has made an assessment of my skills and wants to pay me to play for them, who in the hell are you to decide that I need more time to mature and improve my skills?

It’s a bizarre type of thinking isn’t applied to any other profession. (phone rings) “Oh, hello Bill Gates, what’s that? You want me to come work for Micorsoft because you are so impressed with my programming ability?...hmmm… I don’t think so, I’m only 18 and if you think I’m good now, just wait another year, I’ll make my school a lot of money and I’ll be even better, so call me back then! Hello? Mr. Gates ? Hello? …..”

The decision to draft a player is a market decision whereby teams evaluate the player and assume the risk associated with their success or failure. As with any player they recruit, they can win big or lose big. This is big business, not the YMCA. Scouting and recruiting players is a business decision. Similarly, what a man wants to do with his career is a business decision and he should be allowed to make it. If he wants to go to college, great, if he doesn’t then he must live with the consequences. If he wants to play pro ball and go to college later, that’s his business.
A player coming out of high school could end up a LeBron James or they could end up a Jonathan Bender. But on the other hand, there are plenty of college players who played all four years and ended up disappointments in the NBA. Can you say Bobby Hurley?
Now don’t get me wrong, of course I think everyone should go to college. I think a college education benefits everyone. But that’s not my decision. I don’t think stripping is a good career decision but who am I to stop a woman from selling ass?

Are these kids as good as they would be after playing four years in college, of course not. But he could also go to college and be injured. It’s a choice that should be left up to students and their families, not college athletic bigshots who are only looking out for their own interests. They don’t care what becomes of these kids, as long as they fill the stands and make their university millions. When these same guys who believe college is sooooo important go after Dakota Fanning, Raven Simone, and the Jonas Brothers, then maybe I’ll be convinced.

"About those bones..." And Other Awkward Conversations

Have you ever been in one of those awkward conversations with someone from another race where both of you are talking to each other about some topic that has racial/racist undertones—but both people are pretending that what they are saying is race neutral? You both know exactly what the other person means, but no one would dare speak it out loud? And not necessarily big news topics like the OJ trial or the DC Snipers, but regular everyday conversations. I’ll give you an example of something that recently happened to me.

I live in a neighborhood that is in the midst of full-on gentrification. So for the first time in my lifetime, I have a significant number of white neighbors. The community has become not only ethnically diverse, but economically diverse. You have million dollar homes next to boarding houses next to coffee houses next to rats next to condos next to crackhouses next to art galleries next to low-income rentals. In other words, it’s a Chinese fire drill and there’s never a dull moment. But my point is, and I do have one, is that it sets up a lot of awkward conversations. Like the one I had walking my dog yesterday.

I ran into my neighbor who I’ll call, “Jim.” Now, a little quick background info: there is an apartment building in my neighborhood that I pass on my dog-walking route and without fail, there are always chicken bones in front of it. And its annoying because my dog gets into the bones and there’s nothing I like less than having to wrestle a drumstick out of my dog’s mouth in 90 degree heat. My dog has even begun to develop a Pavlovian response when he gets onto this particular block-- his excitement is obvious as he approaches in anticipation of a quick bone nibble before I can intervene.

So anyway, I run into Jim, who also lives in the neighborhood, with his house being right across the street from the Chicken Bone Apartments (CBA). He is also a dog owner and we often talk in passing about our canine companions. Like most neighbor-to-neighbor relationships in the twenty-first century, that’s all we really know about each other. So one day I run into him, shortly after passing the CBA and wrestling several chicken wing bones from my dog. So sure, I was a little miffed. So I speak to him and start expressing my frustration at our neighbors leaving so much litter and food waste outside of their apartment building.

So here I am, in the midst of an inner-city neighborhood talking to this white yuppie about my neighbors, who live in the apartment building (of whom 99.978% are black), about the problem of chicken bones and trash outside of the building. It was so fraught with unspoken racial undertones. On one hand I almost felt guilty for talking to him about this, which no doubt reinforces stereotypes he may have about black folks, but on the other hand why can’t I talk to a neighbor about a problem that affects everyone in the community? It’s that damn DuBois duality again. How can I implore my neighbors to keep the neighborhood clean and chicken bone free without it feeling like Im betraying some black chicken brotherhood? And on the flip side if there is a neighborhood meeting and a white person mentions people throwing out too many chicken bones on the sidewalk, he’s viewed as making a racist comment.

So I can’t talk about the chicken bones in front of the CBA and the white guy can’t talk about the chicken bones in front of the CBA, so we all just go about our business and nothing gets done. I understand that black people and chicken are a sensitive topic but jeez louise. As we increasingly live and work together, we’re going to have to figure out how to navigate these awkward discussions. When will people realize that you can have a race-neutral beef with people who just happen to be black? I’m not some elitist Uncle Tom if I complain, and “Jim” is not some racist if he complains. We’re both just people who want the neighborhood to be clean and safe. If the residents in the CBA were white folks, I’d talk about them too. It's really quite simple: I don't care what color you are, stop throwing your chicken bones, red Solo cups and McDonald's wrappers on the ground.

So, its time to go walk the dog and maybe, just maybe, this will be a bone-free day. I can dream can’t I? And for the smart ass who will undoubtedly tell me to just cross the street, you can get bent.

Peace people.

I Think I'm In Love

To Hell with Beyonce, this is the real "B."

I wanted to share an excerpt from a speech Barack Obama gave on Father's day at the Apostolic Church of God in Chicago. We need more of this in America. As much as people give me a hard time, I knew I wasn't crazy... Now this is real talk here:

"Of all the rocks upon which we build our lives, we are reminded today that family is the most important. And we are called to recognize and honor how critical every father is to that foundation. They are teachers and coaches. They are mentors and role models. They are examples of success and the men who constantly push us toward it.

But if we are honest with ourselves, we’ll admit that what too many fathers also are is missing – missing from too many lives and too many homes. They have abandoned their responsibilities, acting like boys instead of men. And the foundations of our families are weaker because of it.
You and I know how true this is in the African-American community. We know that more than half of all black children live in single-parent households, a number that has doubled – doubled – since we were children. We know the statistics – that children who grow up without a father are five times more likely to live in poverty and commit crime; nine times more likely to drop out of schools and twenty times more likely to end up in prison. They are more likely to have behavioral problems, or run away from home, or become teenage parents themselves. And the foundations of our community are weaker because of it.

How many times in the last year has this city lost a child at the hands of another child? How many times have our hearts stopped in the middle of the night with the sound of a gunshot or a siren? How many teenagers have we seen hanging around on street corners when they should be sitting in a classroom? How many are sitting in prison when they should be working, or at least looking for a job? How many in this generation are we willing to lose to poverty or violence or addiction? How many?

Yes, we need more cops on the street. Yes, we need fewer guns in the hands of people who shouldn’t have them. Yes, we need more money for our schools, and more outstanding teachers in the classroom, and more afterschool programs for our children. Yes, we need more jobs and more job training and more opportunity in our communities.

But we also need families to raise our children. We need fathers to realize that responsibility does not end at conception. We need them to realize that what makes you a man is not the ability to have a child – it’s the courage to raise one.

We need to help all the mothers out there who are raising these kids by themselves; the mothers who drop them off at school, go to work, pick up them up in the afternoon, work another shift, get dinner, make lunches, pay the bills, fix the house, and all the other things it takes both parents to do. So many of these women are doing a heroic job, but they need support. They need another parent. Their children need another parent. That’s what keeps their foundation strong. It’s what keeps the foundation of our country strong.

I know what it means to have an absent father, although my circumstances weren’t as tough as they are for many young people today. Even though my father left us when I was two years old, and I only knew him from the letters he wrote and the stories that my family told, I was luckier than most. I grew up in Hawaii, and had two wonderful grandparents from Kansas who poured everything they had into helping my mother raise my sister and me – who worked with her to teach us about love and respect and the obligations we have to one another. I screwed up more often than I should’ve, but I got plenty of second chances. And even though we didn’t have a lot of money, scholarships gave me the opportunity to go to some of the best schools in the country. A lot of kids don’t get these chances today. There is no margin for error in their lives. So my own story is different in that way.

Still, I know the toll that being a single parent took on my mother – how she struggled at times to the pay bills; to give us the things that other kids had; to play all the roles that both parents are supposed to play. And I know the toll it took on me. So I resolved many years ago that it was my obligation to break the cycle – that if I could be anything in life, I would be a good father to my girls; that if I could give them anything, I would give them that rock – that foundation – on which to build their lives. And that would be the greatest gift I could offer.

I say this knowing that I have been an imperfect father – knowing that I have made mistakes and will continue to make more; wishing that I could be home for my girls and my wife more than I am right now. I say this knowing all of these things because even as we are imperfect, even as we face difficult circumstances, there are still certain lessons we must strive to live and learn as fathers – whether we are black or white; rich or poor; from the South Side or the wealthiest suburb.

The first is setting an example of excellence for our children – because if we want to set high expectations for them, we’ve got to set high expectations for ourselves. It’s great if you have a job; it’s even better if you have a college degree. It’s a wonderful thing if you are married and living in a home with your children, but don’t just sit in the house and watch “SportsCenter” all weekend long. That’s why so many children are growing up in front of the television. As fathers and parents, we’ve got to spend more time with them, and help them with their homework, and replace the video game or the remote control with a book once in awhile. That’s how we build that foundation.

We know that education is everything to our children’s future. We know that they will no longer just compete for good jobs with children from Indiana, but children from India and China and all over the world. We know the work and the studying and the level of education that requires.
You know, sometimes I’ll go to an eighth-grade graduation and there’s all that pomp and circumstance and gowns and flowers. And I think to myself, it’s just eighth grade. To really compete, they need to graduate high school, and then they need to graduate college, and they probably need a graduate degree too. An eighth-grade education doesn’t cut it today. Let’s give them a handshake and tell them to get their butts back in the library!

It’s up to us – as fathers and parents – to instill this ethic of excellence in our children. It’s up to us to say to our daughters, don’t ever let images on TV tell you what you are worth, because I expect you to dream without limit and reach for those goals. It’s up to us to tell our sons, those songs on the radio may glorify violence, but in my house we live glory to achievement, self respect, and hard work. It’s up to us to set these high expectations. And that means meeting those expectations ourselves. That means setting examples of excellence in our own lives.
The second thing we need to do as fathers is pass along the value of empathy to our children. Not sympathy, but empathy – the ability to stand in somebody else’s shoes; to look at the world through their eyes. Sometimes it’s so easy to get caught up in “us,” that we forget about our obligations to one another. There’s a culture in our society that says remembering these obligations is somehow soft – that we can’t show weakness, and so therefore we can’t show kindness.

But our young boys and girls see that. They see when you are ignoring or mistreating your wife. They see when you are inconsiderate at home; or when you are distant; or when you are thinking only of yourself. And so it’s no surprise when we see that behavior in our schools or on our streets. That’s why we pass on the values of empathy and kindness to our children by living them. We need to show our kids that you’re not strong by putting other people down – you’re strong by lifting them up. That’s our responsibility as fathers. "

Barack Obama, I love you.

They Don't Know Any Better

You know, after running hotghettomess.com for almost four years now, I have been cussed out, yelled at, condemned to hell, and rebuked in the name of Jesus by a variety of Mandarin-minded folk. Generally the feedback I get is overwhelmingly positive so I don’t stress too much about the folks who call me a race-traitor, an elitist, a self-righteous bitch or a (gasp) a Republican. But one conversation I had today, although I had heard it a million times before, really got me thinking.

A gentlemen called me after finding out that one of his friends (I suspect it was his girlfriend) had the dubious distinction of being called a hot ghetto mess by my website. So I speak to him and listen to him tell me what a horrible person I am. As I try to divide my attention between his tirade and cleaning the little hard doo-doo balls out of my dog’s ass, something he said struck me as it never had before. He said, black people just “don’t know any better.” Now, granted, I’ve heard this a million times before and that sentiment has become so cliché and that I never really paid any attention to it, but for some reason those words on that day stood out to me like a virgin at a prison rodeo. And it caused me to wonder….

In 2008, do people really “not know any better”?

I feel like the only people who really have a claim to “not knowing any better” are children or feral people like Nell in that movie. To make the assertion that somehow today in 2008, grown ass people don’t know any better is ludicrous. And it’s not only ludicrous, it’s a dangerous, dismissive and paternalistic way to regard members of our community. It immediately removes from people all responsibility for their actions.

With unparalled access to information, with 10,000 channels on television, movies and magazines can one really argue that someone can go through life in America and not know any better? As uninspiring as most of American media is, you still are shown examples of functional families, people overcoming odds, the value of education, families living in peace, people with jobs, philanthropy, activism, history and the power of your dreams. With regard to residents in urban environments, to whom I hear this term applied most often, there is a usually a very present Black professional class, colleges and universities abound, there are social programs aimed at self-improvement up the wazoo and plenty of examples of young people overcoming odds and excelling. The concepts of education, work and family are pretty standard concepts---So how can one seriously make an argument that people don’t know better?

NOW, I certainly believe that many people may not believe they CAN do better or they may not be certain of exactly HOW to do better, but to imply they don’t know there IS a better is a destructive theory. And sure, there is a “fuck effort” contingent but they’re a different story as well (See: Are you waiting for a check?).

We had an entire generation of African Americans who weren’t even allowed to read, yet those were the ones who pushed most strongly for the education of their children. We had a generation of slaves who weren’t allowed to marry, yet marriages and families were the foundation of the generation to follow. All it takes is the desire to improve your condition. At some point, many of us have abandoned the pursuit of improving our condition in favor of what’s easy or what’s fun or what’s convenient or what feels good at the time. Do we know better? Of course we do. We just don’t always do better. So let’s call a spade a spade.

Come on, I don’t care what your socio-economic status is, you generally know how life fucking works. Instead of making this “people don’t know any better” excuse, we should be talking about what it would take to re-instill a broad commitment to improving our economic and social condition in this world.

Generations before got it right, they understood opportunity was valuable and took advantage of it no matter what meager circumstances they came from. Are we now saying that back then they knew better and suddenly now we don’t? Generations who never had the opportunities we have now knew better and suddenly we don’t? I just don’t buy it.

And I think this is important, not just because I like typing long essays for free, but because I think social programs and philosophical frameworks that embrace the “they don’t know any better” mentality, no matter how well-meaning, are harmful to us as a community.

For example, when I worked as a lawyer in legal services, I felt that, the well-meaning white liberals that worked there basically saw black people as children that shouldn’t be expected to do anything with any level of competency. But it was OK, because we didn’t know any better and were just hapless victims of an oppressive society and needed help.

Now, Don’t get me wrong, those were some of the best people I had ever met and they all really wanted to help less-fortunate members of society, I just don’t know if spoon feeding someone their life is helping. What was so clear to the African-American lawyers there (none of whom ever stayed very long) seemed lost on the limo liberal population. If you treat folks like victims and tell them they have no control over the big bad world, they eventually begin to believe it. They lose the capacity to problem solve which is essential for survival. They begin to become dependent on others even when they are perfectly capable themselves.

I know this is getting long and your ADD is kicking in, so I’ll wrap this up soon…..but real quick example: I had a male client who was getting evicted and I was able to negotiate some favorable terms to get his ass out of the apartment. So, thirty days later, on the day he had agreed to leave the unit, he called me and asked what he was supposed to do with his furniture. I’m like, what are you asking me for? And mind you, this wasn’t an old man, he was in his twenties and was actually kind of fine. If he hadn’t been on welfare with some fake ass disability, I may have taken him out. But I digress.

So I’m thinking to myself, whenever one moves, the first thing you figure out is how you’re gonna move your stuff. He says, well I don’t have a way to move my stuff, don’t yall have some funds that will help me hire a mover? I’m like, RUFKM? (r u fucking kidding me)? When I move, I have to figure it out. When my mom moves, she has to figure it out. When my friend moves, she has to figure it out. You’ve already had a free lawyer, now you want Uhaul service too. Negro, figure that shit out and get off my phone.

But it was this sense of having no capacity to solve his problems, this expectation that the world owed him a solution and this sense of entitlement that he should get what he wants without any effort on his part, that was so shocking. And seeing this type of thing over and over made me question the “they don’t know better” approach and the long-term effectiveness of the liberal social program models.

Whew! OK I’m done. There, I said it. So I hope that guy who called and told me that “most black folks just don’t know any better” is reading this. “They don’t know better” should be reserved for dogs, children, the mentally challenged, and people like Nell in that movie. People will only rise to the level of your expectations and as long as we dismiss dysfunctional or destructive behavior as “not knowing better” we severely undercut the ability of our community to be self-sufficient, to look within to solve problems and improve conditions and grow and prosper.

Now back to my dog’s ass. I really need a job. As u were….

Peace people.